12 Years of (mostly) Daily Meditating

Twelve years ago today, at the suggestion of my therapist (my Irish, Buddhist sage), I sat down at my computer and typed in www.headspace.com, created an account and tried their free 10-day, 10 minutes a day meditation offer.  Now, I have ADHD and was sure that I was someone who would not be able to meditate.  After all, there is a LOT of activity simultaneously going on in my mind most of the time!  But, the verbal instructions given in the guided meditation were perfect!  At the end of those 10 minutes, I thought “that wasn’t so hard; it felt kind of nice”. So, I tried it again the next day. And, this set the course for a new path for me; a path of learning, healing, growth, kindness and compassion and a deep passion and desire to teach and help others using mindfulness and meditation.  As I look back to where I was twelve years ago and what I was feeling and projecting into the world – my heart is filled with gratitude for the introduction to the practice of mindfulness, meditation and my entry into studying and practicing Buddhism.

I had been walking around with so much unexpressed resentment, fear, anger, suppressed rage, agitation, loneliness, feelings of unworthiness, sadness and social anxiety was increasing exponentially.  As I type this, I feel content and I have so much compassion for the pain and suffering I was living with. This makes it so much easier for me to have compassion for what others may be suffering from, rather than judging where people are at and how they are behaving on their own journey.

I have let go of trying to control the world and people around me. I feel like I have more patience, experience joy, appreciation and gratitude more easily and am more open and curious to things I was so closed off from before. I have discovered I love chanting! I would NEVER in a million years consider chanting. I would have walked out of the room if I was at an event where that was going on (I actually did that in a Kundalini class about 15 years ago and I asked for my money back!  I have softened and continue to discover more of what I’m made of.

Meditation is NOT hard!  It takes commitment. People get an idea of what they think it is, maybe even try it once and then that’s it – they say they failed or its not for them.  Meditation is NOT about blanking out the mind or stopping thoughts. It is about becoming more aware of our thought patterns. And, so once we sit down to meditate – the first thing we notice is that we have a lot of thoughts! That’s what the mind does – it generates thoughts. We don’t choose the thoughts that arise; they just arise. And they arise out of nowhere and pass away into nowhere. And, for most of our lives, we are walking around on auto-pilot being driven and almost controlled by our thoughts. Mindfulness is becoming aware of what is ACTUALLY present in any given moment (thoughts, physical sensations, feelings and emotions and what is coming in through our senses). Just because a thought arises doesn’t mean it is true. And we don’t have to act on them. Meditation is the tool we use to become more aware of what’s here and training our attention to go where we want it to go.  It is exercise for the mind. It can be calming, grounding and steadying. But, it takes commitment, diligence and practice. It WILL change you.

I LOVE how it has changed me. My relationships have changed, the way I communicate has changed, I rarely get pissed off any more. The social anxiety is mostly gone but when it does show up, I know how to handle it so it doesn’t last long. I have an inner confidence that allows in so many more possibilities of love, joy, compassion, eagerness, energy, stillness and ease.

I welcome you to join me on this path. If you’ve already been on it with me (or on your own) – I bow to you.